Listening to an NPR report

Unmarried With Kids: A Shift In The Working Class

I listened to stories of couples with kids saying things like,

"What's important is "having your life the way you want it, your lifestyle in place. Getting married is really the cherry on top." or "[Someday] I want to have that beautiful gown, and all the family, and toasts with champagne,"

I gather from listening to these couples that they think marriage is a ceremony or a lifestyle accessory.

I think we, as a culture, are letting these people down if that is what we are teaching them.

I come from a religious tradition that believes that marriage is a sacrament, a direct experience of God's love and grace through real experience. Marriage, as a sacrament, is an experience and participation in the love of God. My church teaches that the sacrament actually happens when two people make a lifelong and loving commitment to each other, not in the wedding ceremony. The wedding ceremony is the occasion when they make their commitment public, and the community celebrates and commits to support them in their relationship.

I wish that young woman would be moved to say instead:

"I want to be married, to have made that declaration of love and commitment, to commit lifelong support to my partner's growth, and to have the assurance of that commitment to me. I want to know I have the love and support of my family and community in creating this family."

Isn't that better than a fairy princess wedding? Why aren't we teaching this about marriage?